Forrest Gump I

In the movie, Forrest Gump, the actor starts walking and walks throughout the United States with a purpose. What if there is no purpose to the walking? Well, this is what has happened to me.

Let me set the stage. I have just come out of a divorce with my x-wife losing everything that I cherished so much - my children. I fought like crazy for joint custody but got less than that and my children were still living the episodes of my illness. My illness had gone from a depression to full blown mania. I was hearing voices, though I wouldn't admit to them, my body contorted and I was seeing things which were not there in reality. I had my bags packed in the car, and would take long walks with my dog Lacy preparing for something I wasn't sure of.

My ex-wife came over one night and we made arrangements for me to drive to Detroit with the children to see her dying father. I cherished him so much that I cried myself to sleep that night. The next morning, I awoke and went to work as usual. However, this would be a different day. I gave an in service orientation to new employees and went to the Mac Donald's for a lunch...then the episode started.

I drove, without any map or anything, headed East to Washington DC. I would stop at each radio antenna on the way crying and singing to the music which was full blast in the car. Why I will never know, but I did know that it was as if I was crying out to the world that my life had fallen apart. I made it to DC that night and stayed in a Holiday Inn. I told them that I was a new government official therefore I needed a government discount. I, for whatever reason, was positive that I would be working for the government on Hazardous Waste Management. This is a point that I wish to make, during Forrest Gump episode, it appeared that I was drawing on past thoughts of my life and would continue to do so throughout the next 6 weeks. I was reliving each thought but in a distorted fashion.

I continued my episode in DC as I purchased clothes and a $1,500.00 watch because I believed that I would be working as a Liaison for then President George Bush, Sr. At one point, I was spending so fast that my family back in FL and MI couldn't believe what I was doing. Note to take is that one of the clues that a person is in mania is uncontrolled spending. My credit cards afforded me an opportunity to do so. However, it does not mean that you take all credit cards away from the patient, you may want to put a manageable ceiling on them.

When the police came to find me at the Lowe's Hotel I told them that I was taking my meds and that I had a new position as the Liaison for the President. Had they intervened then, my journey would have stopped. A note to the police, maybe they should be trained in identifying mental illness episodes. After the encounter with the police, I got in my car and drove non-stop to Key West, Florida.

At Key West, I had run out of money and became one of the homeless of the streets. I walked now without medications for weeks. I continued to get worse but managed to survive by eating out of garbage containers, drinking water out of hoses and you can imagine what condition I became. I lost 50 lbs and my feet were down to the bones. I wandered the streets, talking to myself and avoiding all danger. How I avoided danger is through the Grace of God, I believe. There were many times that I could have been killed but I managed to get away from the situation. People would always look at me strangely but NO ONE stopped and said, "What can I do to help you?" Here is a point that I will address in one of my future posts, the Plight of the Homeless, because this was the first of two walkabouts which I had in my lifetime.

It had been 6 weeks and I had been living on the streets all that time. At one point, I took my wallet and discard all my pictures, identification, and what little money I had, leaving just $5.00. Why I did this I will never ever know, but at this point I was totally psychotic. In my mind, I had lost everything that I could think of which was important to me. Loss to me is a trigger, I don't do well with loss. Even today I become depressed when I encounter loss. I don't mean loss of a job, but when I lose all that is important to me, such as my family, a future post, I now become depressed only because I am managing my illness.

I was eventually found in Key West after I had gone to the police department at 2:00am stating, "I don't know who I am or where I am." I was hospitalized at De Poo Hospital, Key West and a long process of regaining who, where and what happened started. I was diagnosed with psychotic amnesia. My family did eventually find me but it took weeks to track me down.

Here is note that I wish to make, if your family member is exhibiting an episode, keep an eye out for them. Are they saying strange things? Have they packed their bags? Are they talking about going to a far-a-way place? ABOVE all things don't accuse them of starting an episode but let the health care professionals know what is going on. Your perception may be wrong but it is better to be safe than sorry. Educate yourself on the moods and changes in their personality that may come about by another episode of your loved one. HOWEVER, don't confront with, "You're manic again we are putting you back in the hospital!" It will only serve to frighten and alienate your loved one. Leave the assessment process to the professionals! Your job is too observe and report to the health care professionals.

It took many years for my family to get over the episode and any move which I took was observed like a hawk. Over protection is not the answer. Educate yourself is the answer to the problem. Joining support groups, talk with the patient's health care providers and above all things BE patient with your loved one. He/She is probably humiliated by what has or will happen. Don't add additional coals onto the burden they are carrying.

Thank you for reading.