In the Beginning

Well where does one start to discuss the journey that I have taken with mental health. I believe the best starting part would be in the beginning...

In 1987, I had just accepted a position with a Teaching Hospital in Northeast Ohio. I had come from a non-profit Trade Association for Hospitals in Michigan and wanted to get my feet wet from consulting to actually dealing with the issues on a day to day basis. Though I do not regret the move, IT was a learning experience to be in the trenches and deal with the budgetary and compliance issues of a large teaching facility.

The first month or so, went fine at the facility. Then I began to uncover non-compliance issues that would put the facility into jeopardy. I relayed that information to my boss, but he was from the old school and felt that it wasn't a concern. This pressure and the pressures from my old state, where my wife and children were began to cause problems for me. I had handled the pressures from being in a trade association and also being nationally recognized for my field but this was something new for me. The pressure began to mount to a point that I couldn't sleep at night, I became emotional and was losing weight fast.

What the hell was this... I couldn't understand until finally one day I thought of taking my life. The employee physician at the facility confronted me and I just broke down crying and said, "the pressure is too much for me." The next thing that I knew, I was rushed to a mental health facility to be hospitalized. I had all my faculties and here I was in a mental health insitution. Can you imagine living through this situation where it reminds you of the movie, "One Flew Over The CooCoo Nest." Well that is exactly the way I felt. Who were all these people, screaming and yelling, talking to themselves and here I am "sane"? Who put me in this hell hole?

Meanwhile, at the homefront each person was blaming the other for the situation. What a freckin mess. Instead of joining together and trying to figure an intelligent process of understanding what had happened, there was finger pointing and blaming each other for causing this situation. Who was taking the brunt of this was my ex-wife.

I remembered what the doctor was saying as she was talking to the employee health physician, "a mind is a terrible thing to waste!" So here I am surrounded with people that definately needed help and why was I here. Can you imagine being placed in a facility and still not know why. Where your every move is watched and analyzed. My reaction was to retreat and analyze what the hell was going on. This was the first exposure that I had to the mental health system and field. I read much about and took several psych classes in college, but here I was actually experiencing all of the patients with their maladies.

I was diagnosed then as having severe depression and put on a anti-depressant pill. The diagnosis was wrong as we would find out almost 9 years later, but that is the intent of these postings. WE always address mental health from a clinical point of view and from the medical field's perspective. I am planning of giving you an inside to outside point of view of what happened to me. The medical field and family try to look into the situation, they are subjectively or objectively trying to assess, with the best of their abilities what is happening. I was lucky that I retained all of my faculties. My goal is to help families, clinicians and those affected by this illness understand from one point of view what it is like to have mental illness. An important issue to remember is MENTAL HEALTH does NOT equal MENTAL RETARDATION!