I Can't Live Like This

Support is a word that we use when someone is ill and we want to support them through the hard times, but what does it really mean to go through the ups and downs of mental illness? During my illness, my wife and family tried to support me as best that they could, however, they saw the transformation of a virile, gregarious man turn into a non-rational human being. When I look back at those times I can realize what they were going through.

As I mentioned before, my body was not attached to my brain at all. I would contort, talk in strange voices and came up with all types of conclusions which were not rational. I would tell them that, "I feel like pieces and parts that someone has put together. My body is not my own." They would have to sit there and try to understand what was going on with little advice from the health care professionals. All the education in the world from various sources didn't help them. They were living through a virtual hell just like me. They tried to internalize the education, but how do you separate the illness from the person? How do you look at the person and say, I know this is not Tony it is just the illness? You can't and this lead to much problems. There was of course, blame setting among the family members and opinions as to "how" to handle the situation. The were going through a "crash" course in mental illness.

What could they draw upon for their information base? Perceptions and observations were all they knew. NAMI is a good support group for them, but it only gives the perspective of managing the illness from a clinical point of view. In all my experience with them, NAMI had not taken the point of view from the patient to explain to the families the experiences they were going through. I am not here to slam NAMI, because I believe they do much good for the families but I would like to see an enhancement of their emphasis to include the patient's point of view for the sake of the families.

Ultimately, just like in many other crisis situations the marriage broke apart because of the illness and my refusal to accept the illness. There is one point that I wish to make, however, mental illness is not a choice. If I was an alcoholic, I could chose not to drink. With mental illness it doesn't mean that if you take your meds all will go well. (refer back to Chemical Soup) Time and time again the family members would state,"If you take your meds all will be well." The problem is finding the right meds that work at the right time. I don't fault them for their perception, however, I would like to plead to the patient/family educators to emphasize medication problems and the separation of the illness from the patient. Possibly by doing this, more family units will not be broken and the support that is needed will come from this.

One concluding remark is that the family members also need a break from the patient. Give the family members time to absorb the illness and be distracted to recharge themselves from the constant stress. It is a problem in all support situations, be it cancer or mental illness. The family members need a break to regain and absorb what is going on. This is a very stressful situation an it is long term. I have seen many people whose loved ones have mental illness and they are exhausted. This illness effects both the patient and the family.

Thank you for reading.