Life in the Coo Coo Factory

What the hell is this that I am experiencing. I am in a mental hospital and there is no one familiar to me. I had been a Senior Consultant for a major Trade Association and had done walk-throughs of these types of facilities but nothing was going to prepare me for the over 20+ hospitalization that I would have over the next 22 years.

My initial response, as I mentioned earlier, was to pull back and analyze the situation. What the hell, I had been a scientist before and was disciplined in observing so let me see if I can figure what is going on. The first nite was the worse, you can't imagine the howlings, crying and rushing around during the nite of patients and staff. I stayed in my bed and cryed myself to sleep. About 2am I smelt something like cologne near me and the sensation that someone was watching me. I awoke to find no one there but the lingering of cologne.

Then Magilla the Gorilla, the staff orderly, came by and said,"Anthony, you shouldn't get out of bed and bother the other patients." Hell I was still in my bed what was he talking about. Well it seems that one of the patients was going room to room trying to molest patients and he thought it was me! How insane, I hadn't moved at all. Try explaining to a staff person, that you hadn't moved from your bed...they look at you as "sure, you are the insane one not I!" This brings up a point that I want to bring to all healthcare professionals, DO NOT discount the patients feelings or words. Instead validate them. How do you know what they are feeling, you are observing them but can't possibly be them at that moment.

Over the 20+ hospitalizations, I observed all types of behaviors; adults sucking fingers, slamming their heads against the wall, yelling and talking to no one that was there just like the movie "One Flew Over the Coo Coo Nest." I am not saying that as I became progressively ill that I didn't exhibit the same behavior as my fellow patients but I always felt that I was on the outside and looking in at me. When I would try to explain my observations to family and healthcare professionals they really thought I was crazy. Moral to the story: Listen with intent to the person because they are experiencing it not you.

At one point, when the illness had progressed and no longer was depression, but definately was bi-polar disorder with schzephrenia on top of it, I was told that the only treatment that would work was ECT. ECT is where they place electrodes on your scalp passing an electrical current through them in hopes of realigning your neurons. In the pass they were called, shock treatment. Luckily we have advanced through the dark ages and the patients is asleep during the treatment. I had 6 treatment at one time to bring me back from the abiss.

At one of my hospitalizations, I would talk in strange voices sort of like the exhorsist and my body would contort in all different directions. It was sad because I knew exactly what was going on but the medication and hospitalization wasn't working at all. Every time I was hospitalized, I would walk the halls in circles staying away from the "true" patients. In a way, I was lucky I kept my scientific mind in tact through observations I would attempt to make friends with the ones that weren't that sick. My point being, when you observe a patient, try to go deep into what they are feeling because, hell they are as scared as you are. Their bodies are doing things and they are thinking things that they would never have thought of.

One doctor told me that my thinking was off. It took me years to explain to the health care professionals that my observations were correct the conclusions were off not the thinking. The sensations to my body are still unexplainable, where I would feel hot and cold, smell things that weren't there and all sorts of peculiar sensations. I tried explaining them to my family and health care professionals and the most that I would get was disbelief. So, my point once again, LISTEN, VALIDATE, SYMPATHESIZE and above all DON'T JUDGE. What is the saying, Walk a MILE in my shoes.

During all of my hospitalizations, patient education was a must in all areas of life management, however do we ever train the family in the same sort of thinking. It became evident that I was absorbing the information and learning life management thinking process but my family wasn't. Then when I would try to put into practice the methods I learned it just would work. For example, we were taught how to avoid conflict by saying, When you do such and such, I feel the following. That is assuming that the other party understands and validates your feelings. If they haven't been trained in this area you can forget the vailidation and it will end up as a full blown argument instead. Message to healthcare professionals, GET the family members involved in the same training as the patient.

So the next time one of your loved ones, is going through a manic episode, to be discussed in greater depth later, listen intently and try to put yourself in their shoes. Thank you for reading!